call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
