I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
