...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
