So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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