Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
