no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
