he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The chlamydia really affected his face.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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