He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I sprained my soul last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
