Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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