Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
