I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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