xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
