so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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