we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
