Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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