I wish I could teleport
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
