Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
