Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who died my cat blue again?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
