Porn is love you can see.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
