so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
