Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
