Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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