flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
