24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
