how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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