someone get that fucking seahorse.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
