She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
