I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
