She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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