I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
