She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we made out on top of his cat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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