Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
