I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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