of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
