I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How does one acquire holy water?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
