my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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