If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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