I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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