just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
