Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
