Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
