Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize