Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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