can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
