I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
