he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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