wake up i wanna do it froggy style
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sext me about skeletons
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize