You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
