I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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