One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
