I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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