Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
