So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
