i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I stole a fireplace last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
