he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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