Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
