Swine flu. Run for my life!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
