You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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