Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
