We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I got her a Nickelback box set.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
