btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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