On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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