Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
