went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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