What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
