just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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