As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I looked at my own cervix.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
