So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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