I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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