he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
