I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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